As my children begin to nudge the doorway of adulthood, I’m realising that I’m learning as much from them as they are from me. They constantly challenge my assumptions about life, growing up as they are in a world very different from the one I knew — and certainly from the one my parents grew up in. I’ve inherited many of my expectations about life without even realising it, but these “new adults” in my life, who question everything and refuse to accept things just because “it’s aye been,” as we say in Scotland, are prompting me to examine many long-held beliefs afresh.
One small example unfolded this week during a trip to the bowling alley. We are not, shall we say, the most gifted bowlers, so we all agreed to use the gutter guards — and had a fantastic time bouncing balls off them and knocking down pins. At one point, my eldest said, “This is much more fun than when we went with Granny — she wouldn’t let us use the guards.”
Later that day, chatting with my mum about our outing, I mentioned the guards. She immediately responded, “Well, they have to learn to do it without the guards at some point.” Normally, I would have laughed this off, but something in this growing reflection on what life should be like didn’t sit right with me. Do they have to learn this? After all, bowling isn’t a future career for any of us, nor a sport we wish to pursue at an elite level — it’s simply a fun way to spend an afternoon together. Why should there be an expectation to make it harder, to risk spending our time watching balls slide uselessly into the gutter?
And that’s when a lightbulb went on for me. My parents’ generation grew up in a world where becoming an adult meant learning to fit into societal norms and expectations — a world where there was a “right” way to do things, and success meant mastering it. But today, I believe our world is shifting. We’re starting to understand that growing into a healthy, happy adult isn’t about forcing ourselves — or our children — into a pre-set mould. It’s about discovering who we are, and learning to live authentically, in a way that’s right for us.
So I, for one, will be continuing to use the gutter guards guilt-free. And as my children journey further into adulthood, I’ll encouraging them at all times to find out who they really are — and how they truly wish to live their lives.